F$&%#&^K!!!!

The worst thing is letting people down. It’s that look on their face, the one that’s trying to say “its all right, I understand…I know you tried your hardest” but in all actuality is saying “I knew you wouldn’t come through, I knew I would be abandoned.”

The Cholera outbreak had started two weeks ago, but insecurity had kept the humanitarian community away until we arrived. The outbreak was worse then everyone had thought and was getting bigger each week. The thing about Cholera is that its strips the person of their dignity just as much as it strips them of their life. Uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting dehydrate the body in a matter of hours as life slips away. The disease is a putrid mess, usually infecting those trying to care for the sick. We had come to run the assessment of the situation, do some hygiene promotion and chlorinate the water sources. More then anything we were there to drum up support from the UN and medical community back in Nyala to intervene.

After some phone calls and emergency meetings we were told that a helicopter with a medical team and supplies could be sent up the next day. For a brief moment I had that feeling in your heart when you know your actions have made a difference. And it was almost true…no one would have come up to East Jebel Marra if we hadn’t driven there. Even though the UN still has the roads closed due to security we had made the right choice, our actions would save lives…

That feeling always seems to come to a screeching halt. Its three days later, no helicopter has arrived and I am back in Nyala trying to fight for any assistance I can get. The UN has hijacked the operation, various groups vying to get their name on the intervention so they can say “UNICEF prevented a Cholera outbreak” or “WHO battles Cholera in Darfur!” What a load of shit! We still have people on the ground there calling us twice a day with new death reports and yet no one moves. We are willing to drive up tomorrow and carry all of the medical supplies and doctors in our own vehicles and still no one moves. The various NGOs and UN agencies are fighting about who will supply the medicine and the endless buerocracy known as the UNINTED NATIONS drags on! The closest commitment we can get is a helicopter some time next week to Saboon…which might still do some good except that the Cholera outbreak is in Gubo and the two metric tons of supplies aren’t going to fit very well on the backs of the donkeys that would have to make the two hour trek…of course the same trek would take 5 minutes by helicopter.

I head back on Friday, with more supplies to chlorinate the water and run hygiene promotion campaigns…its something I suppose, but try to tell that to those who are already dying. Fuck, we are supposed to help people and we finally have a clear cut case where our direct intervention can save the lives of hundreds and we bull shit about who is doing what and getting what credit! I’m tired, really tired…

pray for the dignity of those who suffer