Stalemate

Sitting with rebel soldiers nestled in the deep valleys of the Jebel Marra mountain range, one gets the appearance of a very different conflict then seen from the government side. But as always, appearances can be deceiving. The rebel commanders talk flowingly about fighting against injustice, for a homeland, for a voice in the government. Amongst the tragedy that surrounds this conflict it is easy to want to be swayed by these smooth talkers. One wants to believe that the fighting has a purpose, that there is some sort of noble goal at the end of this long struggle, as though some kind of grand ideal can make all of this bloodshed worth while.

The truth is often much harsher then the surface reality. Speaking with some of the rebel soldiers, one of them explained to me his love for Israel. The fact that he was a Muslim of course made me curious about this statement, especially in light of the fact that he had never met an Israeli. He went on to explain that all SLA (non-signatory rebel group) love Israel because Israel kills Arabs and the SLA supports anyone who kills Arabs. His story progressed into the details of how Arab nomads had raided his village and killed his family and how his goal now was to kill any Arab he saw.

This is not an attempt to form a commentary on the young boy’s remarks. I cannot begin to understand the type of pain that must come from witnessing the death of your family at the hands of others, nor comprehend the type of anguish that would lead a person to want to kill another human being. I am also not trying to make a statement about Israel and Arab relations and its role in a world context. I am simply trying to point out the unfortunate foundation of this conflict and many other like it throughout the world. In the end it comes down to the simple misunderstanding, mistrust, and ultimately hatred of the always feared “other”. In the case of this SLA boy the word Arab will suffice for the “other”, but just about any other group will do…Palestinian, Jew, Black, Mexican, etc. The easiest person to hate is the one you do not know. So we all collectively keep our distance and build our walls, as though not knowing the “other” will make them go away.

We live in a world of walls in a vain attempt to keep fear out. But in the end our self made walls simply separate us from the unknown and serve to multiply a fear we cannot control. The rebels use the mountains of Jebel Marra as much as the government uses a military check point. But as long as these lines are drawn in the sand and the walls are hidden behind there cannot be peace.

This is the reality of Darfur… as much as it’s the reality of every where else in the world, and we keep building more walls and wonder why we can’t live in peace.

Our World

When I was in high school my US history teacher had a small sign in her room that read “What a great day it will be when the Education system has a billion dollar a year budget and the military has to have a bake sale to build a new tank.” I would often stare at that sign and wonder what that type of world would look like.

The reality is that I have no idea what that type of world would look like. I live in a land surrounded by guns. Every soldier, policeman, check point, and security guard is holding a gun in their hands. Rebel soldiers pile into stolen NGO trucks with rocket launchers hanging over review mirrors, hand grenades strapped to their belts, and AK-47 slung onto their soldiers. Military gun-ships patrol overhead while troop carriers rush down the street. This is land captivated and conquered by its own self destruction. And while some would be quick to point the finger at the Sudanese, Somali’s, or Afghanis, the fact is that we all live in the same prison.

I hate guns. I cannot emphasis this point strongly enough. You see a machine gun in the hands of a child more then once and you cannot think of these inventions as anything but evil. I have heard the arguments for guns all my life. “Our right, defense, sport, etc…” I no longer care. I give up my right, I will give up all sports, I will not defend myself…but the thing that grieves me most, the thing that is most troubling to me, is the fact that I can still not be a pacifist. I am too much of a realist. I know that guns have become an intricate part of humanity and the reality is they will not disappear. I know that in a world of guns evil people can only be stopped with more guns. I myself have argued that UN forces with a stronger more forceful mandate are needed here in Darfur. I advocate for the very thing I loath. And I am certain now that these words will be the saddest words I have ever written. What type Pandora’s Box have we opened that allows us to create something that’s sole purpose is our own destruction…

My mother is a grade school art teacher whose student won first prize in the area wide Peace Poster Contest. Many other art teachers don’t take the extra time required to promote a Peace Poster to their students…I suppose they have other things to do. The day the student was honored with the award happen to coincide with Veteran’s Day. During the ceremony a local veteran spoke on the courage and sacrifice of serving in the military…and a small child was given an award for celebrating peace. Peace at the point of a gun is not peace, it is prison no matter which way the guns are pointing. And my heart breaks for those who must hold the guns.

Why is it that we as humanity are so willing to dismiss peace as a wishful dream and leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King as once in a life time individuals never to be seen again. We glorify war in movies, TV, and toys…dress our children in military fatigues for Halloween…and play video games where the goal is to shoot every thing in sight. We live in a world that must set aside a special day once a year to get children to draw pictures of peace because they would never to it otherwise. I am ashamed of the world I live in…

Shot in the Butt!

They told me the shot would reduce the pain in my head and neck…what they didn’t tell me was that the way it worked was that the shot hurt so bad you quickly forget about the pain in your head and neck! It was like having someone surgically implant a softball in your butt with a rusty spoon!

Oh yea…so the reason I was getting the shot. Well the past two weeks I have been having terrible headaches and my whole body felt like it wanted to fall apart. So being the brilliant doctor that I am, I assumed it was the flu and rested and took plenty of fluids. After a few days without improvement I figured it was my bad mattress that was causing my neck and back to hurt so I switched beds. Still no improvement. Then I thought maybe it was all the field work I had been doing this week and the horrible roads and bouncing trucks where responsible. But after a few days back in Nyala away from the roads there was still no improvement. I was stooped.

So finally my stubborn pride succumbed to the pain and I decided to go to the doctor. (Mom and Lisa please stop rolling your eyes with disgust). So after a meeting with WFP to fight about food reduction I drove over to the UN clinic (ironic I know) and got some blood work done. While they where waiting for the test to be completed they told me I could lie down on a bed and they would give me a shot for my headache…at the expense of my butt!

Well it turns out I have Typhoid (kudos to you who figured that out by the picture)…just add it to the list of numerous other tropical diseases that have called my body home at one time or another. Of course I have already made it through the work week and now will simply be sick for the party on Thursday and poker on Friday…such is my luck.

Change

In the most heated (and expensive) mid term elections in US history a reported 40% of eligible voters are expected to turn out. In most countries around the world that number would not even allow for the vote to be considered legitimate, but in a land that speaks so strongly about the values of Democracy and Freedom that is a good turn out. How sad is it the a nation of people who are willing to invade, bomb, sanction, and marginalize other countries for their lack of democracy so willingly throw their right away when election day comes.

Even the papers in Khartoum talk about the mid-term elections in the US. It seems that everyone knows how important these events are except the United State’s own citizens. The choices you make today affect the rest of the world…a fact that is so often lost on those with the vote. Here in Darfur the US has put intense public pressure on the Sudanese Government to end their campaign of violence, while at the same time they fly top military leaders of the government who are responsible for the atrocities to Washington D.C. for talks about the “War on Terror”. A country cannot “have its cake and eat it to”, a fact that is effecting the lives of millions of Darfurians on a daily basis.

Changing the world and helping those in need does not require every person of wealth to leave their homes and become aid workers in far off lands. Action takes many forms…and today the action needed is simply to exercise your right to vote. The foundation of change is made from knowledge and action…and today the pebble you cast into the pond will send ripples around the world.