Weeks like these...

Respiratory infection! Who gets a respiratory infection in Sudan? I thought those required cold, wet, weather…like the stuff the plagues places like Seattle and Great Britain for most of the year. But Sudan? I am so far away from anything that resembles cold or wet weather its ridiculous. I think the temperature topped 110 degrees yesterday and the closest thing to rain is the amount of sand in the air that blocks out the sun at times. Have you ever tried having a fever in 110 degree heat with no air conditioning…air conditioning, ha! I just wish the power would stay on for more than 15 minutes so that my fan would run properly. Oddly enough this strange plague has taken out three of us in the office; I suggested that the others started wearing SARS like mask so the whole office doesn’t come down with it.

My computer has been in a state of slow decline for several months now. For those of you who know me well, this comes as no surprise. Starting with certain functions not working, or taking nearly 30 minutes to turn on, or the DVD player not working, the computer has been in a state of constant rebellion against me. Today it decided that it would no longer open any icon I click on. This basically renders the whole thing useless because I can’t reach any of my files. Now I understand that computers are fickle and can break down. But what really bothers me is that I ask so little from my computer. I don’t download things, play music and movies, or do anything complicated. I use WORD and EXCEL. I check my email on line and go to ESPN.com. I store some photos and occasionally play a DVD. That’s it! That’s all I do and the things always breakdown on me. Needless to say I have decided to take proper action and I will store my computer in my desk drawer for seven days and seven nights and then it should be working fine.

I should have been on R&R a week ago. Of course I do not have an exit visa that would enable me to get out of here, so in Darfur I remain. There is a very good possibility that I won’t get another break until I make a return visit back to the States. So that would add up to one break per year. Something tells me that it’s not a healthy state to continue in, it seems like a form of work related self masochism. I would consider taking one of the trucks and make a break for the nearest border…but then I realize my options are Chad, Central African Republic, DRC, and Southern Sudan and all of a sudden Darfur doesn’t look so bad.

Woe of all woes! March Madness begins with my beloved Kansas Jayhawks with a #1 seed. The last time I was over seas and the Jayhawks where #1 they lost to bloody Syracuse and stupid Carmelo Anthony. Never the less I am sure that this year is their year, and I will be forced to watch the games on espn 30 second update. So while North American work productivity reaches its yearly low during the month of March in order to catch nearly 24 hrs. of straight college basketball, I will do my best to read about it online the next day and pretend it’s as exciting.

Dignity

The other night I watched the movie The Sea Inside, which struggled with one mans desire to euthanize himself after a diving accident left him paralyzed from the neck down. Of course the political and ethical questions that surround the practice of euthanasia play a central role in the film, but through watching the movie I found a more interesting question concerning the dignity of human kind.

The individual in the movie who wished to euthanize himself argued that his life no longer held dignity, despite the amazing and positive impact he had on the many around him who loved him. Seemingly he was accorded a great amount of dignity by those in contact with him, yet he held firm to his belief that a life that required other people to clean him, roll him over, or turn on the TV is not a life of dignity.

I live in a world surrounded by the seemingly undignified. Men beg for food, women live under trees with roofs made from garbage; children defecate on the open ground and haven’t bathed in months. When working with these people I try my best to treat them with the same kindness and respect that I would treat any human being. In a way, I try to offer them a bit of dignity in a situation that provides them very little. But in light of this movie I question if my actions can offer any real sense of dignity. The movie seems to argue the dignity is quite simply “in the eye of the beholder”. And in many ways I have seen this to be true. The humble farmer who holds his head high when talking with me, the IDP Sheik who demands a level of respect is offered to him where ever he goes, the women who laugh and chuckle at my poor attempts to speak Arabic. All of these people possess a simple dignity that radiates from their eyes, and it would be there regardless of my presences or actions.

I do not mean to put into question the value of how we treat other people, treating all things, the earth and animals included, with love, kindness, thankfulness and respect has merits apart from any thing else. Yet dignity cannot be assigned or forced upon someone. An individuals feeling of their self worth is defined by them, we only provide a small part of that understanding. I only bring this realization up to demonstrate my own insignificance here. I may provide many necessary and even life saving services, but the dignity and honor that dwell in the people here is far removed from my actions…and that is a wonderful thing.

It is safe to say that Darfur will never be a tourist destination. Regardless of whether or not the violence ceases, there is not a large esthetic appeal to the landscape. For the most part Darfur contains endless miles of hot, flat, dry bush landscape. The occasional wadi or rock out-cropping serve as the only major landmark in an otherwise bleak savanna. During certain months, like now for example, the air fills with dust that blocks out the sun and makes you think a rain storm is coming, only to later realized how wrong you where as sand hurls through your window. And for the most part we learn to adjust to this landscape which helps make R&R all the more enjoyable.
But occasionally I have been fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of the beauty that this harsh land is capable of. In the middle of Darfur exists two inactive volcanoes from a time long ago. Reaching heights of over 3000 meters they form the highlands of Darfur and provide the most breath taking scenery this land has to offer. Steep cliffs and gullies line the road on the way up the mountain side and springs and waterfalls form brief seas of green in an otherwise desolate land. Higher up the mountain the hot desert air gives was to the cool breeze of the mountains and pine trees cover the hillside.
The area remains remote, the rugged hills and mountains forming a fortress that the non-signatory rebels call home. Untouched by most NGOs, we have been lucky enough to gain access there for quite some time and have traveled the land extensively. And while heart ache and suffering dwell here just as much as else where in Darfur, the surrounding beauty provides a constant reminder that there is something more then death and destruction. Of course the nearly 50,000 IDPs streaming into the area due to bombing campaigns serve as a strong reminder as to the work that must be done, the ability to take a step back from the insanity and view the beauty around you is a breath of fresh air the brings life to the soul. For now, this will have to serve as my R&R.